My All
by Songficcer
Summary: Written during one of my bouts of depression. Was based around the song 'My All' sung by Mariah. Is in Makoto's POV. You can decide who she is talking about: Minako or Ami.


My All  
  
I sat sprawled out on the chair that was on my balconey, my coat wrapped around my shoulders, trying to keep myself warm from the coolness of the autum night. My pajama's were worn comfortably thin, but not exactly warm enough to be wearing on a night such as this.  
  
I crossed my right leg over my left one, one hand tightly clutching my coat, my other holding my cigerette that I take a hit off of every now and again.   
  
After a few more moments and finishing my cigerette, I stand and strech, feeling as tho I have been out side for hours in the cold, but knowing its only been minutes.   
  
I walk inside my apartment and close the glass door behind me. I take a sidewards glance up at the clock on my entertainment stand, sighing as I read the time. Three-twenty in the morning.  
  
Another sleepless night.  
  
I hang my coat back on the rack and walk to my bed room, wishing it was you I would see in my bed. I must have prayed too hard. You're still not there. Still not waiting for me to join you.  
  
I lay down, imaging the pillow I'm laying against is you. I wrap my arms tightly around it, and lay my head on it, pretending its your shoulder. I close my eyes, a single tear falling down my face.  
  
The distance hurts. It burns my heart more than a fire could. And the emptiness inside....Its almost too much to bear.  
  
My sleep deprived mind starts to wander to you and your beautiful face. I smile slightly just thinking of how your personality alone makes me smile. Talking to you always made me happy.   
  
I wish you were here now.  
  
My mind then begins to wander to the last night we were together. I had tried so hard for it to be perfect, but I failed in so many ways. I was so nervous...I don't know why. I had had you over for my famous dinners before. Maybe it was because this was the first time it was more than just friends haveing dinner, or maybe it was just how great you looked when you showed up at my door;But what ever the reason, dinner was ruined when it caught fire in my kitchen. You laughed at my red face as I tried to hide my embarssment in trying to fix our burnt dinner.   
  
You gently took my hands and guided me away from the mess, insisting we just order a pizza. I was mad, but you just held my hand as you ordered the pizza. I wish you had let me re cook dinner. I never ate take out much. Unless it was at a fancy resturant. Something I could rarely afford.   
  
We sat and talked at the bar in my kitchen until the pizza arrived. We ate in silence, my eyes wandering up from my dinner long enough to risk a quick glance at your face. You were so beautiful. You still are.  
  
After dinner we sat in my living room on the couch, in the dark, watching the movies that were coming on HBO. Nothing really good tho. Come to think of it I can't even remeber what it was about. My mind seemed to become hazy when you lifted my arm and wrapped it around your shoulders, your head laying half way on my shoulder, halfway on my chest. Your arms gently wrap themselves around my waist loosely.  
  
I don't know how you knew, but after a few moments, you tilted your head up slightly. Just enough for your breath to blow up against he back of my ear. I never knew I could want one person so much as I wanted you then. And you knew it too. You knew I wanted you and you used it to your advantage. Though I did not complain. I still don't.  
  
After giggling at my reaction to your moves, you gently tore the remote from my fingers and hit the 'off' button for the t.v. Smiling, you quietly sat the remote on the table, gently took my hands into yours and stood, bringing me with you. I blinked, knowing what was happening but I still couldn't believe it.  
  
Quietly we headed for my bedroom, all the lights in my house out. I didn't want to say anything in fear I'd scare you away. But somehow I knew you would leave anyway.  
  
Closing the door behind me, you turned and looked into my eyes. Were you afraid of being there? Did you trust me as much as you said you did? I don't think you did, but I didn't ask. You didn't give me any chances to. The moment after you closed the door you had stepped up to me, wrapped your arms around my neck and kissed me fully.   
  
I could have been drunk for all I remember that night. After the kiss, everything seemed hazy. I remember us kissing, stripping one another and then making love. But the details alude me. The morning after however...  
  
The morning after I woke up late, and alone. You didn't leave a note and you didn't call. I assumed you went back home, but I never tried calling you there. I didn't even try to find you. What was the point? I knew you well enough to know that if you wanted to talk to me, you'd have let me know by now.  
  
Its been nearly eight months and I still dream of you. We had one night of passion and I still dream of only you. Did you know I thought of you...I still think of you to be my one true love? I told you I loved you before that night. You said you loved me in return. I didn't want to believe it. And it took me many months to finally realize you did.  
  
But if you loved me so much, then why did you leave me? What did I do to you to make you hate me so?  
  
It's hard living in the past. Many of my friends say I should forget you and move on with my life...That it's no good dwelling on memories. Maybe they are right. Maybe I should move on...  
  
I sigh, looking over at my clock. Nearly six in the morning and still no sleep. I turn back over, hugging the pillow and looking out of the window. I can't really see anything from the angle I am looking out at. Just a cloudy night sky with hints of the sun rising. The stars are begining to fade as the bright colours of day take over the heavens.  
  
My alarm sounds and I turn over to shut it off. I climb out of bed, strip out of my night clothes and change into clothes for the day.   
  
I sometimes can't help but wonder why I think of you like I do. I swore that I'd love many people for all of my life, but somehow I always break that promise. I guess with you, I won't. But...Why? What makes you so special?...  
  
The memory still hurts. I won't lie. Its the sweetest memory I have of you, yet its the one I hate the most. Isn't that funny? It's hard knowing you were my soul mate, but that we would never be together.  
  
Why won't you leave my mind alone? Why? What's the point in it?  
  
Because, perhaps, there is still a chance I will I ge tto cal you my own again.  
  
If even for one night... 


End file.
